Poor Ports, Respectable Remakes, and Final Fantasy XIII Futanari Fiascos

Final Fantasy XIII was recently released on Steam and the PC, but the reception has been largely negative. While the vote on whether Final Fantasy XIII is a competent RPG is a topic that has split gamers into several camps, the reaction has been fairly one-sided. Complaints about locked resolutions and frame-rates, low-resolution cut-scenes, and a massive hard disk requirement has fans up in arms. Meanwhile, SquareEnix has yet to comment on the poor PC port of one of their most recent Final Fantasy titles, which has come to no surprise to many SquareEnix fans. There have been past issues regarding sound quality with Final Fantasy VIII PC ports which SquareEnix has never rectified. The lack of reaction by SquareEnix regarding the PC port issues has prompted game hackers and fans to release patches to rectify a few of the graphical issues, but fans still have a bad taste in their mouth in regards to SquareEnix’s business practices of late.

And that includes SquareEnix releasing countless Final Fantasy XIII sequels, despite the divisive and luke-warm response of the original Final Fantasy XIII. The prompt to possibly rush a Final Fantasy XIII port to the PC and Steam may even stem from SquareEnix preparing to release the third Final Fantasy XIII game to the PC to coincide with the eventual console releases. At this point it’s like SquareEnix is trying to ram Lightning’s dick down our throats. Cue the Final Fantasy XIII futanari jokes here.

However, LaughingMan and CineMax are watching from the sidelines and wondering how such an abysmal and careless port could even fly in this day and age. Considering the recent rush to “upgrade” several recent games and franchises to the “next-gen” consoles (Uncharted, The Last of Us, Metro 2033, Deus Ex: Human Revolution Director’s Cut, Sleeping Dogs, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, etc) and the graphical and texture improvements being made to many of these aforementioned games, it’s like SquareEnix has taken a massive step backwards. However, that’s not to say that everything is a bed of roses for these (possibly needless) remakes of very recent games. However, what constitutes a GOOD game ‘upgrade’ and what warrants a purchase?

Listen as we dissect the latest trend of ‘upgraded editions’ of games, and which we can support with our money.

Also, plenty of jokes about being orally raped by Lightning. Just sayin’.

CineMax

A subversive excommunicated from [REDACTED] as a result of a failed coup d'etat, CineMax has miraculously managed to reach and find asylum in the Land of the Free. Here he spends his days working for Cheshire Cat Studios, all the while plotting his inevitable return to the motherland to once again foment the flames of revolution.

LaughingMan

The loveable lunatic with the foul mouth and the iconic laugh, Laughingman is the founder of CCS. With more coffee than copper in his bloodstream, he's a full-time website developer by day, and a gamer, editor, and fiction writer by night.

2 Comments on “Poor Ports, Respectable Remakes, and Final Fantasy XIII Futanari Fiascos

  1. I understand way they went with porting the 360 for FFXIII, it a greedy terrible reason, that is that the 360 user the DirectX as a graphics redder, just like all Microsoft products, will PS3 has a Unix base OS and most likely use OpenGL to redder graphics. Which should not be a real problem seeing how OpenGL works perfectly on any platform, but if you add the additional changes to things like the windowing functions, threads etc, it is easier to use the 360 as a base, because it shares some functionality with Windows.
    But to me the whole porting thing reminds me of Dark Souls and its shitty PC port, no mouse control what so ever, none, 30 fps and to top it all off it use the game controller’s key naming system “press b for back and a for start” but the b key was k on my keyboard and the a key was l, to play the dame thing you needed a cheat sheet in front of you the whole time to tell you what key did what.
    So imagine playing a brutally hard game with out knowing what key dose what and little to now camera control, because you can’t move the camera, fight and move your character. Because Bandai said “Fuck it will make the PC port for three armed mutants only, who are willing to rip out keys form there keyboard and rename the ones left.”, perfect 10 out of 10.
    Even DMC3 was playable on PC and that is Capcom we are talking about, kings of shady business practices.

    • How did we forget about Dark Souls on the PC? o_O I remember the backlash that got as well. But you’re absolutely spot on with SquareEnix taking the easier route and porting the Xbox 360 version to Windows because of DirectX.

      I still wonder how they justified such a lazy port, though. Perhaps it has to do with the $16 price point on Steam? Not that I see people paying full price with Final Fantasy XIII-1 again any time in the near future.

      Thanks for watching/listening/tolerating-our-crap! 🙂

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