In mid-January of 2014 Nintendo made headlines by cutting their sales projections for the Nintendo Wii U. Nintendo cuts sales projections from 9 million Wii U units to almost 2.8 million, a 70% cut. Without admitting as such, Nintendo has at least acknowledged that their touch-screen hand held device has officially failed. The backlash of the announcement was a 20% drop in Nintendo’s stock, game developers questioning investing time and money into Wii U games, and becoming the subject for a new Cheshire Cat Studios Video Podcast! What originated as an After Hours discussion between LaughingMan, CineMax and Inverted-Mind regarding the Nintendo Wii U’s failure was deemed too good not to make it a full video podcast.
While the members of the CCS Video Podcast have covered Nintendo’s obliviousness and idiotic decision-making in the past, we’ve never pledged our allegiance to any hunk of plastic. While we all have some level of fondness for Nintendo, we refrain from divisive tribalism and prefer to look at the situations objectively. We have been simply offering our insights on the issues of why the motion controller craze was a passing fad, and why Nintendo’s sheer lack of quality titles has been self-destructive. With that being said, could the Nintendo Wii U have been salvaged into a feasible console for gamers? With the rumors of a new Nintendo console just over the horizon, is the Wii U a fault of the hardware specs? Does the lack of release dates for big name titles like Super Smash Bros, Hyrule Warriors, and Bayonetta 2 contribute to the problem? Find out in our latest episode!
LaughingMan: So, back on January 18th, Inverted-Mind, CineMax and I were going to record an audio-only After Hours episode about our good old friend Nintendo slashing their sales projections for the Wii U to a third of the original estimates. 9 million units to 2.8 million … And the slip in stock market that happened immediately afterwards. But the recording was too good not to make it a full video podcast! May sound like old news, but Nintendo’s stock is still down 20% since the news of the lowered sales projections broke about a month ago. And we want to know: Is there more to the story than Nintendo’s terrible sales projection? They said, what, they were going to sell 9 million Nintendo Wii U units?
LaughingMan: And now Nintendo’s sales projection is about 2.8 million.
LaughingMan: Nintendo’s totally axed their sales projection. I mean, what in the hell is going wrong?
CineMax: And I think it’s important to bring up the fact that yes, we’ve made several controversial videos regarding Nintendo’s most recent malpractices in the past, so before all of you wonderful children of the Internet put this youtube video on pause, scroll down, and write all sorts of fallible comments accusing us of being Nintendo haters or PC fanboys, let’s make one thing clear: We’ve never sworn allegiance to any hunk of plastic.
LaughingMan: Goddamn right!
CineMax: Forget about the console wars. We have absolutely no horse in this race, we’re trying to remain impartial. We admit that all three consoles have flaws; however, it does seem like Nintendo is the most likeliest one to go under.
LaughingMan: We’re not game review sites, we’re not getting paid to like something! Reference to the Gamespot Kane and Lynch advertisement controversy.
Inverted-Mind: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. Cha-ching! This is the worst game ever, but I’m going to give it a ten! Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3’s high critic metacritic ratings and low user ratings.
LaughingMan: It’s ‘cos they’re paying for our ads! *Laughs* Here comes Nintendo with a wheelbarrow full of money. Oh! Suddenly our opinion on the Nintendo Wii U has totally changed!
CineMax: Get yourself a brand new Nintendo Wii U today!
LaughingMan: Yes! Endorsed by the CCS Video Podcast. In fact, we’re going to start printing off custom Nintendo Wii U cases!
CineMax: To be fair, that’s only going to devalue the Nintendo Wii U even more.
LaughingMan: So, here’s the question, you guys. we keep on lambasting Nintendo for obviously bone-headed moves. I mean, you just have to back and watch some of our previous content to see that not only do we have an affinity, we do like Nintendo. We don’t endorse it, but we do like it. But they’re doing such stupid shit. Now! There’s a couple of things Nintendo can do to remedy this. What do you guys think?
RESUSCITATE AND UTILIZE PAST AND POPULAR FRANCHISES
Inverted-Mind: They really need to dig deep into some of the older games they’ve done in the past and start bringing them back.
Inverted-Mind: ‘Cos look at how may great games Nintendo came up with in the past. The NES, the SNES. They had a LOT of characters, they had a LOT of stories…
Obviously not all of these games are even passable as decent games, however it’s the sheer number of games in the back catalogs and the variety that not only attracts consumers, but boasts DEVELOPER SUPPORT. And at the moment, Nintendo is sorely lacking support from developers.
LaughingMan: Memorable ones.
Inverted-Mind: Yeah, memorable ones to it. But we don’t see them anymore!
LaughingMan: I know, they’ve completely disappeared off the face of the planet. I mean, you had Earthbound, StarFox, Metroid, the Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong even. All of these different franchises that sell like hot cakes. I mean, these are characters that people know and love, and I don’t know why they’re not releasing them. It’s like they’re spending all this time putting these characters into Super Smash Bros. rather than giving them their own individual games.
CineMax: ‘Cos it takes less effort to put them into Super Smash Bros.?
Inverted-Mind: *Laughs* Yeah, pretty much.
LaughingMan: OH! That’s a promising sing. “It’s less effort for us just to put all these characters into one Super Smash Bros. game, so there you go. This will totally warrant a $250 console.
CineMax: But you’re right. You’re absolutely right. And then thing about these Super Smash Bros. games is that when I look at them, I can’t help but think of those reunion concerts they hold for, like, aging rockstarts. And don’t get me wrong: When you’re there, you’re ecstatic as all hell. ‘Cos it’s like: “Oh my god. All of my favorite rock gods are here and they’re playing all of my favorite songs.” However, once the entire even is over, you can’t help but wonder: “Hold on. If these guys are still alive and they’re touring together, how come they haven’t recorded anything new in, like, twenty years?” And it’s the same thing here!
They’re like: “Hey, there’s a new Super Smash Bros. game and guess what? Star Fox is making an appearance! Umm, hasn’t it been like ten years since the last Star Fox game?” MAKE NEW SOLO STAR FOX GAMES FIRST YOU HACKS!
LaughingMan: It’s exact rockstar mentality. They’re like these one-hit wonders who keep re-releasing their old shit and ‘Best Of’ compilations over and over again. I mean, all you really need to do is look at the Nintendo Wii U virtual console store, and how many times can Nintendo rehash old Super Mario games?
CineMax: A lot?
Inverted-Mind: Let’s try a lot? *Laughs*
Inverted-Mind: Yeah, pretty much. It seems like all we see from Nintendo these days is Super Mario.
LaughingMan: Well, they are going to release a new Donkey Kong Country game (Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze), though. But I mean, you’ve got Donkey Kong, Mario, and Hyrule… Legends? Hyrule Warriors? What’s that Legend of Zelda game called?
CineMax: Hyrule Warriors. A.k.a. God of War ‘Gay Elves’ edition.
LaughingMan: Heh. Now all they need to do is release a… No, wait. They’re already making a God of War misogynistic edition with the release of Bayonetta 2!
CineMax: Yes, Bayonetta 2. With shorter pubic hair this time!
Inverted-Mind: Aww! *Laughs*
LaughingMan: T’ch, what the fuck? *Laughs*
Iwata at the 2013 Nintendo conference: “Bayonetta used to have long hair, now she has short hair.” B-Mask is like: “INNOVATION!”
CineMax: *Laughs* Yes.
News backdrop: “Target credit cards stolen, Target estimates breach affected up to 110 million. NBC News Business”
LaughingMan: I was in Target a couple of days ago (LIVING DANGEROUSLY), and no joke I was actually tempted to buy a Nintendo Wii U.
Inverted-Mind: …Oh, Matt.
LaughingMan: No, I’m serious. I was inside looking for a camera case, and all of a sudden I look at the game console racks. And the only console that I knew had a guarantee that none of its games would end up PC, Steam, Xbox, Playstation 4, or other consoles… Was the Nintendo Wii U!
Laughingman sees the Monty Python and the Holy Grail God in a Wii U screen.
But I refrained ‘cos the Nintendo Wii U currently doesn’t have any unique games I want to play (Super Mario Bros Wii U, Wii Party U, NintendoLand, Just Dance). The ported games on the Nintendo Wii U are of games I’ve already played (Assassin’s Creed 3, Mass Effect 3, Deus Ex Human Revolution, Call of Duty Black Ops, Ducktales Remastered). And about 95% of the new games for the Nintendo Wii U don’t have fucking release dates (Mario Kart 8, Watch Dogs, Bayonetta 2, Hyrule Warriors, Super Smash Bros. for Wii U)!
LaughingMan explodes in the Target store.
Inverted-Mind: Oh, I know. That’s another problem that Nintendo is having. They’re like: “Oh, we’re going to come out with this, and we’re going to come out with that.”
LaughingMan: And it’s like: “When? When?”
LaughingMan: In the future… TBA. To Be Announced. There’s not even release info for Nintendo’s first-party titles? Are games a complete afterthought to Nintendo’s console hardware?
CineMax: This sort of once again ties into Nintendo’s seemingly infinite complacency. Like, after being in the race for so long, they almost bet on people having certain expectations from their hardware. It’s like: “Hey, it’s a new Nintendo console. So, of course it’s going to have a new Super Mario Bros. Of course there’s going to be new Legend of Zelda. Of course there will be Metroid. And furthermore, if you go to the Nintendo Wii U’s official YouTube channel, you’ll see all sorts of trailers for upcoming games…
CineMax: No, no. Bear with me here. And the thing about those videos is that they resemble a tech demo more than anything else. Like, we brought up Hyrule Warriors earlier, right?
CineMax: And what’s the trailer for Hyrule Warriors? They show you Link, he’s fighting against a horde of enemies. They show you all sorts of spin attack flashy finisher moves and then *BAM* Hyrule Warriors! Coming Soon. And it’s like: “Okay. I am meant to be impressed? Like, you’ve barely shown me anything.”
Inverted-Mind: There’s something wrong there. ‘Cos The Legend of Zelda series was never about hack and slash; it was always about the adventure. And that adventure has been taken away!
CineMax: And of course, this could be remedied. I mean, LaughingMan, in a CCS After Hours episode, you and Ken discussed a possibility of Nintendo forging an alliance with Capcom?
LaughingMan: Yeah, we did. But now that Nintendo and Capcom are both going under it’s like two ships are sinking and both captains are like: “I want to be on your ship! No, I want to be on your ship! Which ships is sinking slowest?!”
Inverted-Mind: And in the meantime we’re just sitting there on the beach, waiving.
LaughingMan: *Laughs* Waiting for them to sink! We’re all siting there with friggin’ mai tais and just laying on the beach. It looks like a Corona commercial.
Inverted-Mind: We’re all taking bets!
LaughingMan: Oh goddamn.
LaughingMan: Here’s the thing, if Nintendo abandons the Wii U it’ll nave the same rate of failure as the Virtual Boy. The idea is not to abandon the Wii U because you don’t need to have $6000 Steam Box Falcon PC hardware for Nintendo. It all boils down to software. You don’t have to make Super Mario Bros ultra realistic (Super Mario Bros movie, toad: “You don’t say”). It all comes down to what unique games Nintendo has. And Ken sent me a rumor-mill spec sheet for a new Nintendo console, which I think was fan made. But it still comes down to everyone thinking that it’s a problem with the Nintendo hardware. It’s not, you can have simple hardware and still have great games. Even the Wii U controller isn’t a terrible idea, just terribly underutilized. If they made a new Star Fox game that looks exactly like the Super Nintendo one, or even the Star Fox game for the GameCube, I wouldn’t have a problem as long as it’s a good game. The reason that I keep harkening back to Star Fox is because 1) I’m a fan and a new Star Fox game would aid in my considering to buy a Wii U and 2) It’s a great example of Nintendo sitting on one of their ICONIC franchises.
Inverted-Mind: See this is my problem, the Nintendo Wii U came out like only a year ago, right? And they’re already coming up with a new console? Nintendo, back in the day, had a huge year gap, which is why it was so memorable. They had a ton of games that came out for just one console. And now they’re like “We have this new Wii U console for 5 games” and now we’re going to make another console. We don’t have any games for it yet, but you should buy it!
LaughingMan: LOL! Even if they make a new console Nintendo needs to learn how to market the fucking things.
LaughingMan: Have you guys seen the commercials for the fucking Nintendo Wii U? Mel, did you know that the Wii U is a whole new console and not, quote, “an upgrade”?
Inverted-Mind: You know what, I honestly did not know that when the Nintendo Wii U first came out. I thought that the Wii U was another attachment or something.
LaughingMan: That’s what I thought from the Wii U Commercials! I mean, I read game magazines so I had a better idea, but for anyone who’s just a casual gamer, or who isn’t even a gamer and wants to get a console for their kids, they don’t know from the Wii U Commercials that the Wii U is a whole new console, not an attachment. The Wii U commercials don’t help illustrate that point.
CineMax: LOL. Yeah.
Nintendo Wii U commercials of children using presentations in order for their parents to “upgrade” them to the Nintendo Wii U. The Wii U commercials are juxtapositioned to make it sound like it’s a cry for help from Nintendo. Wiiwii jokes, Nintendo relying on children to drive sales, showing graphs of Nintendo losing, repeatedly using the phrase “losing” from one of the commercials, and ending with Mike and Jay of RedLetterMedia’s “Half in the Bag” taking shots of alcohol in disgust.
Inverted-Mind: I thought that the Nintendo Wii U was that big screen that they were holding.
LaughingMan: An iPad for the Nintendo Wii.
Inverted-Mind: Yeah, that’s what I thought: it was an iPad for the Wii. That’s honestly what we thought it was until our neighbor across the street (Ned Flanders) bought it and that’s when we found out that it was a whole different console. And I was like “ohh, why didn’t the commercials just say that?”.
CineMax: Oh thank for telling us Nintendo!
Inverted-Mind: LOL. Congratulations Nintendo, thanks for letting me know that the Wii U is a whole new console. I knew I could count on you.
CineMax: But do you know what incenses me the most about Nintendo? It’s just how oblivious they are. Nintendo Wii Mini doesn’t have internet access. It’s my own personal pet peeve, but I like it when companies are at least TRYING to be upfront. SONY TRIES TO COVER UP PLAYSTATION NETWORK 2011 HACK headline. I mean, they’re trying to be honest. MICROSOFT SECRETLY PAYS YOUTUBERS TO ADVERTISE XBOX ONE Destructoid headline. WOLF OF WALLSTREET PARODY: THE MUTT OF THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM. I mean mean, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting to hear news of Iwata snorting cocaine out of a prostitute’s asshole. Or throwing furniture at his employees screaming “make more games damnit!”. But you know, some reaction to their current crisis would have been appreciated. Otherwise in even these dire times, they’re still projecting this “I’m the king of the world” mentality. Like “yeah it’s a temporary problem, and we’re going to release a couple more Super Mario games, and that’s it.”
LaughingMan: They think they’re infalliable. Nintendo needs to wake up from their smiling clouds and flying turtle dreamland and get with the program. How Nintendo can save itself: 1) Make new games from classic franchises 2) Have concrete release dates 3) Make clearer ad campaigns 4) Appear like you are rectifying problems, not ignoring them. Then you’ll restore BOTH Consumer and Developer faith. These little simple changes are going to help re-steer the company. But instead they’re keeping the course, they’re not deviating and instead insisting on having Hard Core games and more powerful console hardware. It’s like “no, you just need to make decent hardware with great games” that’s all it boils down to.
Inverted-Mind: It’s not that hard to figure out!
LaughingMan: Instead they re-release shit, like that NES Remix game that they got done making. I don’t think it was universally lampooned but some game review sites like The Escapist and Joystiq had some choice words to say about NES Remix.
CineMax: 25 year old games, with achievements. That’s all you need to know. They take a vertical slice of several of their classic Nintendo NES games like Super Mario Brothers and the Legend of Zelda, and they take a small stage and give you challenges like “kick this turtle shell as many times as you can” or “could you defeat bowser if he was twice as big”. Basically they just officially released a fan-mod. A FAN-MOD.
LaughingMan: That’s what it feels like. And I don’t mind Nintendo re-releasing their games on like the Nintendo Virtual Console. Ninja Gaiden for the Nintendo NES is the best game ever made. But Nintendo can’t keep relying on their re-releases.
CineMax: Well, I don’t know if I should bring it up right now but, ummm, I just found this article: NINTENDO CONSIDERING SUPER MARIO SUNSHINE AND SUPER MARIO GALAXY HD REMAKES. Nintendo is planning on re-releasing Super Mario Sunshine and Super Mario Galaxy, in HD, for the Nintendo Wii U. Nintendo is looking to create more HD remakes of older GameCube and Wii titles, but it wants to find a new developer to team-up with in order to get them made.
Inverted-Mind: Are you shitting me?!
Inverted-Mind: I just… I… Noooo…
LaughingMan: We are keeping this shit! We are keeping this shit!
Inverted-Mind: Oh my gosh, this is TERRIBLE!
LaughingMan: That’s the final straw, Nintendo, you pissed off Mel. She’s cursing in front of her kids. Now she’s going to go beat up her husband.
Inverted-Mind: Oh my goodness, this is the LOWEST EVER! It’s the worse that they could do…
CineMax: Look at what you’ve done, Nintendo!
LaughingMan: Nintendo you’ve ruined a family!
Inverted-Mind stands in a room with destroyed Nintendo toys. A box with a Donkey Kong tie is on fire in the corner. Mario doll has the head torn off. A Legend of Zelda Master sword is broken in fragments. A Kirby plushie has a knife stabbed in its back. A Samus Metroid poster is torn in two. Sonic is crushed beneath the sofa couch.
Inverted-Mind: YOU’VE BROKEN ME!